In this day and age of the internet, gay men too have different ideas about relationships. In the Western world, monogamy (the practice of having a sexual relationship with only one partner) and polygamy (the state of having more than one guy, at one time) are the two most explored ideas of romantic relationships.
Believe it or not, very much like their western counterparts, Indian gay men, too, have asked themselves what’s right and wrong or good or bad – whether or not monogamy is better than polygamy. But, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I will reiterate- “Different partnerships work well for different people.” Not everyone is built for monogamous relationships nor every gay man enjoys polygamous unions. Let’s understand how.
The Never-Ending Debate
In much of the global society (including India), monogamy is viewed as symbolic of a faithful relationship. It is looked at as a partnership that has room for only two people. Gay men who enjoy dating multiple guys at the same time question the validity of monogamy by calling it outdated, and restrictive.
Rohit, a bright young gay man from Jaipur makes his point – “India is not a country where two guys can marry each other anywhere. For once, I can get optimistic and assume that this would change in a decade, but what would I do with sexual boredom? For me, what works being in polygamous relationships are more companionships and ongoing sexual variety.”
Having said that, not everyone has written off monogamy. Not all gays feel comfortable in open relationships. Indian gay men who favor monogamy feel that bonding, emotional intimacy and no worries of STDs are some of the reasons why monogamy trumps polygamy for them. Naveen from Hyderabad tells us more – “Monogamous relationships are the pinnacle of respect, fidelity, loyalty, and trust. As open relationships have gained more attention in India, some guys have begun to question whether or not polygamy is simply a correct way of cheating. After all, cheating is extremely damaging, something that can wreck extreme emotional and psychological havoc.”
Which relationship is for you?
Relationships are inherently nuanced and complicated. Apart from timing, desires, sexual compatibility, and personalities, so much more are involved in unions of all natures. In many cases, the best relationships come to us in the moments when we least expect them to. So, if you are in a relationship that feels uncertain or discontent, maybe it is time to revisit what relationship type (polygamy or monogamy) is for you.
The motivation behind a partnership makes a huge difference in its success or failure. If polygamy simply appeals to your preferences, don’t hold back. But, if you are entering into polygamy for the sake of pleasing your companion or improving a fractured relationship, it’s a bad idea.
Many guys feel jealousy at the thought of their man being romantically involved with another guy. If you are the one who feels jealous and possessive, you won’t bode well for polygamous relationships. Besides, a guy who believes in tradition is better suited for monogamous unions any day. The good news is – guys who prefer monogamy tend to naturally gravitate towards others like them.
Mastering polygamous relationships
Entering into any polygamous partnership for the wrong reason is a bad idea. Sadly, many ‘one-man’ guys feel terrified of being alone and therefore rush into open relationships. They enter polygamous unions for the sake of proving a point. But trust me; both reasons are generally recipes for disaster.
But, if you the one who enjoys being in an open relationship, it’s important you do it right. To begin with, make all parties involved in polygamous relationships aware of each other’s existence. It is your responsibility to ensure that the entire act doesn’t look like a lying, deceit, and sneaking around exercise.