Indian gay couples can vouch for the fact that singlehood can be incredibly lonesome in our country. After all. this is the place where most of the single gay men enjoy their autonomy, remaining closeted and never coming to terms with their sexualities.
Even if these singles can date as many as guys they want, there comes a point in life when they are bound to look for a relationship, not because the potential partner in question is an excellent match, but because they just want to stop meaningless dating?
Having said that only a fraction of Indian gay men manages to be in a serious relationship. “Why” is what you would ask? We hope you find answers to some of the common questions in this blog.
Some guys are way too choosy that they forget that perfection doesn’t exist. Their perfect idea of a long-term partner is a fair-skinned, muscled hunk who, in reality, may turn out to be a jerk. It’s their picky nature and availability of many gay dating apps that they end up toggling between guys, clicking and evaluating – “The sweater he is wearing is too cropped”, “This guy is too short”, “Too conservative a profile”, He sounds like a Mama’s boy?”, “Too high-maintenance.” Result? They suss out: “Will I ever find a partner?”
You may be a generous guy in just about every aspect of your life, but not everyone is so eager to give their relationships their ALL. Let’s agree that not all of us are commitment friendly. It may have something to do with prevalent homophobia in India; you know in your heart that you want a serious relationship, but what you end up doing is usually chilling with your beau over a beer. Yes, good gay dating experience should lead to sitting down and getting a drink, but it’s important to rule out potentially long-term partners too. You never really know if you have chemistry until you enter a serious relationship.
Awkward Bullied Pals
Gay guys from small towns of India are so teased for their feminity so much that they get hung up on low self-esteem, having trouble putting their best foot forward. These gays are introverts, socially anxious and have experienced rejection or disapproval for things they can’t control. And, they carry it with them wherever they go.
They may hold the gold standards of being a dream partner, but they often take forever to be in a serious, committed relationship, which would demand them to remain openly gay in a typical Indian neighborhood.
Realistically speaking, dating gay men is not always fun and for some people, it’s usually not fun. What about those decent guys who are avoiding dating because they’ve had bad experiences with dating in India? Testing the waters along the way, these guys can take any relationship as slowly as they want, which is a potential for conflict and pain in any new romantic relationship.
While some guys are keen to make the point that they have many dates, they display something called benevolent homophobia. It’s not that they don’t like men. They just don’t see other gays as their equals. They might even make the first move when they are horny, but it’s the hypocrisy that dictates their lives. They say “I will rather sleep with straight men than being in a relationship with a gay man.”
No Indian man (gay or straight) wants to hear this, but here it is. Some guys have unrealistic expectations. If you’re a single gay guy who has not been able to find a partner, there is a good reason for that. Maybe you’re in denial about who is and isn’t in your league. We’d all like to date man who is strong, muscular, successful, funny, interesting and charismatic. Not everyone can. If you’re only interested in partnering with independently successful and conventionally attractive men, then you need to ask exactly what it is you’re bringing to the party.